Why, hello, Mrs. Cartwright. What a surprise to see you! How is Mr. Cartwright? I hope his gout has improved. You’re probably wondering how I got stuck in this telephone booth. With Mrs. Nivens’ body. Funny story. And first of all, let me assure you that this is not what it looks like. Whatever you’re thinking, it’s not that. I mean, what on earth would a Catholic priest be doing locked in an amorous embrace with a dead parishioner in a phone booth in the middle of the night? Why, it’s not what it seems, no, not at all. In fact, I think we’ll all look back on this tomorrow morning and laugh at how delightfully absurd it all is. Yes.

           What am I doing here with Mrs. Nivens’ body? I can explain that, Mrs. Cartwright, but first, let me compliment you on that very stylish chapeau you are wearing. Now, tell me, is a woman’s hat called a chapeau, or does the term strictly apply to men’s hats? I’m afraid I always get it confused. Yes, I suppose I am straying from the subject, but you must admit, your hat is rather striking. Such a nice color!

            Ahem. So. What am I doing in the telephone booth with Mrs. Nivens’ body. I might well ask the same of you—why are you out walking unaccompanied this late in the evening, Mrs. Cartwright? Oh. That is a good reason, I’m sorry I didn’t think of that. Dogs need to express certain bodily functions, same as the rest of us. Nice doggie! Good boy! What’s his name?
            Yes, of course, back to your question. What was it again? Ah. Yes. That is a very good question, and the answer is really quite simple and almost ludicrously uncomplicated. Yes. You see, I was passing by… and I observed Mrs. Nivens… er… choking to death here in this booth. Yes! She was choking to death, and I – I immediately entered the booth to perform my sacred duties of last rites! I was merely finishing the sacrament when you arrived.

Yes, you certainly should be embarrassed, Mrs. Cartwright. Thinking the worst of me, a man of the cloth, in this situation! For shame! What lipstick? My collar? Oh! Er… Why, there is a perfectly logical explanation for that, too, for you see – Good heavens, there’s a UFO landing right behind you! Run! Run!

Copyright 2006 Amy Frushour Kelly. All rights reserved.

Reproduction by any means prohibited without prior written consent.