Freaky John looked up from the bud he was rolling on the coffee table. “Snake, man, looks like you put on a few pounds. Maybe we should skip White Castle tonight.”
Snake patted his belly. “I’ve been sticking to my diet pretty regular, dude. White Castle is in.”
Freak licked the paper dubiously, sealing the joint. “What kinda fuckin’ diet is it that you gain weight?”
“The power of fruit, my friend. When the Akins diet and the calorie counting fail you, where do you turn? Motherfuckin’ fruit, dude. The power is in the fruit.”
Freak rolled his head and blew a smoke ring. “What, bananas and shit?”
Snake tossed his hair back. “Better than that. I’m gettin’ pumped up with vitamins and fiber and fucking riboprofen. This stuff is the shit, and there’s calcium, too. It’s like everything you need for a balanced diet in a day.”
“Yeah, but you gained like fifteen fuckin’ pounds, man.”
“I earned every inch of it.”
“Your can’t even zip your jeans, you’re getting so fat.”
Snake smacked his belly, sending ripples of fat across his abdomen. “Dude, this is solid muscle. I’m ripped, man, I’m like a god or something.”
“More like a planet if you ask me. What the fuck is going on?” He snatched the joint back from Snake. “You’re gonna get the munchies, man. You can’t have this.”
Snake slapped the weed out of Freak’s hand and took a hit. “No need to get jealous, dude. Go to the kitchen and grab the box from the cupboard.”
“What the fuck.”
“Go grab the box from the cupboard. You’ll see. The one with the vitamins on it.”
Freak looked at Snake a minute before going to the cupboard. “Where? I don’t see it.”
“The big red box.”
“Behind the Fruity Pebbles?”
“That’s it, Fruity Pebbles.”
Freak stared at the box with its colorful depiction of cartoon characters. “Snake? You’re a fuckin’ retard.”
Snake snatched the box from Freaky John. “It’s all in black in white, dude. Ten essential vitamins – and minerals! Look at that, it’s got Vitamin A, iron, riboprofen, Xena, everything! What’s the first ingredient listed.”
“Dude, it’s got fuckin’ Fred Flintstone on it.”
“So do my favorite vitamins. Fred Flintstone has a history of endorsing vitamins. He’s like fuckin’ Jack Lalanne.”
“It’s nothing but sugar!”
“And rice and vitamins. Dude, you gotta do your research before you start these accusations.”
Freak rolled his head back and stared at the ceiling. “Fuckin’ amazing.”
“Exactly. Christ, isn’t law school teaching you anything?”
“Apparently not.”
“So. Got any more weed?”
Copyright 2005 Amy Frushour Kelly. All rights reserved. Reproduction by any means prohibited without prior written consent.