I’m not a serial killer. I know you didn’t ask, but I’ll tell you right off the bat I’m no serial killer. Or a rapist. Nosiree, those are two things I am not. I’m giving you the facts now so things don’t get awkward later. I promise you it will not get awkward.

            Because I believe in honesty in a relationship. I truly do. And although this is only our first date, our first meeting really, I want you to know that, should you invite me back to your place tonight, I will probably not steal anything when I creep out in the middle of the night. And if I do, I can guarantee it will be something really small that you most likely wouldn’t notice was missing for a while, like a can opener. I’m telling you this because I’m a straightforward kind of guy. I wouldn’t want you to think I was something I’m not.

            Like an astronaut. I am most definitely not an astronaut, and I wouldn’t want you to think I was. So if you were looking at me, thinking, “Wow, I bet this guy is an astronaut,” I’ll clear that up right now. Am not, never was. I hope you appreciate that I’m being up-front about this. Most guys wouldn’t, you know?

            Another thing. If we end up back at my place, you can rest assured that I have no miniature cameras set up in my bedroom or my bathroom. Or anywhere in my house. But if you have your own little camera and want to take pictures of us naked, I won’t embarrass you by asking you not to. That would be rude. And I’m not rude.

            Here’s something you won’t have to worry about. Although I live with my sister, I do not have sex with her. You may look at her and think, “She’s gorgeous, why not?” But she’s my sister, and that would be gross. If you swing that way and you want to hit on her, that’s up to you. Leave me out of it.

            Oops, I almost forgot – I also do not like wearing a diaper. I know there are some grown men out there who enjoy being diapered and treated like a baby by their lady friends, but I am not one of those men. Don’t even ask. I’m setting the boundary now.

            So. That about sums me up. Tell me about you.

Copyright 2006 Amy Frushour Kelly. All rights reserved.

Reproduction by any means prohibited without prior written consent.