Snake and Freaky John strike again….

“I ran into Sheila today,” Snake declared.

“Who?” Freaky John inquired.

“Sheila.  You remember.  From the park.”

“Oh.  Shei-la,” Freak clarified.  “With the toe rings.  Unbelievable.  Where’d you see her?”

Snake stroked his goatee.  “Wasn’t easy, dude.  She’s a hippie, into health and shit, so what I did was, I went to the health food store by the park, right?”

“What health food store?”

“The store with the big sign that says ‘Natural Foods’ on it, dickhead.”

Freakster nodded.  “By the south entrance, right?”

“Sure, whatever.  So I go in, okay?”

“No fuckin’ way.  South entrance, that’s by the music store.  Music store’s got the Chinese by one side and that sewing place on the other.”

Snake swatted the air in front of him.  “I don’t know fuck about north or south, man.  Point is, I was in the store.”  He leaned forward and did another line.

“Unbelievable,” Freaky John mumbled.

Snake wiped his nose and continued.  “Sheila wasn’t there, but I notice they got this rack of magazines, so I go over there and read, you know, waiting to see if she comes in.”

Freaky John shook his head.  “You don’t know north or south.  Fuckin’ unbelievable.”

“Shut up!  So after a while, Sheila walks in.  Now, I already got a basket and put some cans into it, look like I’m shopping, right?

“You know which way the sun sets?”

“I’m gonna fuckin’ beat the shit out of you if you don’t shut up.  So I come up next to her and reach for the same thing that she’s reaching for.”  Snake smiled.  “And she sees me.  So she says this – she says, ‘hi.’  And I’m like, ‘Oh, you come here, too?’”

Freak did a line and came up grinning.  “So, you fuck her?”

Snake rolled his eyes majestically.  “Do you want to hear the story or not?”

“Yeah, whatever.”

Clearing his throat, Snake continued, “Well, we start chatting, and she says something about being ‘tuned in to her femininity.’  So I explain that I have a gift and I am tuned in to femininity, too.”

Freakster sat up.  “What the fuck?”

“Well, as I explained to Miss Sheila, I can smell when a lady is on the rag.”

“You put your nose between her legs and sniff?  That’s fucking disgusting, man.”

“No, it’s a gift.  I just have to be near her, and I can smell it.”

“Snake, how the fuck do you know?  You sniff and ask if you’re right?”

“I told you, shut up.  Anyway, she was in a hurry so she had to leave.”

“Maybe Sheila was on the rag and got scared you’d sniff her out!”  Freaky John erupted into a giggle fit.

Snake ignored this remark.  “I’ll see her again soon.  She teaches yoga,” he sighed dreamily.

“She probably knows the difference between left and right, too!”

“Shut the fuck up, man.  Shut the fuck up.  You got any beer?”

Copyright 2004 Amy Frushour Kelly. All rights reserved. Reproduction by any means prohibited without prior written consent.