“Hey, Freak, come look at this!” Snake announced from the bathroom.

“Not again. I dunno, man, that’s pretty fucked up,” Freaky John replied.

Snake appeared in the hallway. “Get your ass in here, dipshit, you gotta look at something.”

Freak lit a joint and took a nice deep hit. “Screw you. I’m not fuckin’ looking at your turds.”

Snake grabbed Freak’s arm and hauled him up from the couch. “Dude! It’s different this time. You gotta look at this.”

“Will you leave me the fuck alone? I don’t wanna see!”

“There’s no fuckin’ turds to look at!”

“There better not be. With all the shit and toilet paper and the color of the piss, it looked like fuckin’ won-ton soup that other time,” Freak counseled warningly.

“That was the whole point, stupid. It was like art, almost. But this is different. You’ll see.”

Freak assented dubiously. “All right, let’s get it over with.”

Snake held the bathroom door open and gestured toward the toilet. “See?”

“Hey! You didn’t get any on the floor! Very good.”

“Yeah, that is pretty cool,” Snake agreed, “but just look at it.”

“The toilet?”

“What’s in the toilet, shitbrain.”

“Piss.”

“Yeah. How does it make you feel?”

“Like flushing.”

“No, dude, I mean the color.”

“Yellow?”

“That shade. It’s, like, motherfucking tranquil or something.”

Freak cocked his head to one side and examined the liquid. “Yeah. Yeah, I see what you’re saying, it’s serene as fuck.”

“You said you were gonna paint the fuckin’ kitchen. Dude! What do you think?”

“Unbelievable. You’re right, man. Color’s perfect.”

“Too bad we don’t have one of those cards with paint swatches and shit, right?”

“I got better than that. Hang on.” Freak disappeared into the hallway and returned with a zip-lock baggie. “We’ll take it to Home Depot.”

Snake hesitated. “We’re gonna take a baggie full of piss to Home Depot?”

“They gotta. Their ads say they’ll match any color.”

“Yeah. They probably get this kind of thing all the time. Hey. They sell rolling papers?”

Freak shrugged. “It never hurts to ask.”

Copyright 2005 Amy Frushour Kelly. All rights reserved.
Reproduction by any means prohibited without prior written consent.