Thanks to revme and Bonnie Nogin

“Blessed are the poor, for they—“

“Holy shit! Is that Jesus up there?”

The crowd turned to find two men the Messiah’s age, waving their arms to get His attention. “Yo, Jesus! Get your ass down here, we’re going for brewskis!”

Jesus cleared his throat and continued, “Blessed are the poor, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven. Blessed are those who—“

“Jesus! J-man! Over here!”

Jesus peered out into the crowd and nodded. “I’m sorry, I’m trying to give a sermon here.”

The taller one scoffed. “You gonna ignore your friends from the old neighborhood, J?”

“The ones you grew up with,” added the fat one.

“Yeah. Forget your best friends?”

Jesus cleared His throat and looked apologetically at the multitudes. “Everyone, these are my friends, Rachman and Potzie. We went to Nazareth High together.”

The tall one ran up and punched Jesus in the shoulder. “Yeah, J-man, four years of drinking the beer and smoking the buds!”

Jesus reddened. “I seem to remember you doing the smoking, Rachman.”

“Yeah, man, but who was doing the drinking, eh?” he chuckled, nudging Potzie.

Jesus cleared His throat. “We had a lot of fun in the past, but right now, I’m doing something a little different. Would you mind sitting down so I can finish what I’m doing?”

Rachman gave Jesus an affectionate noogie. “No problemo, J. We’ll be waiting. Get some brewskis.” Potzie gave Jesus a high five and followed Rachman down the hill.

Jesus smoothed His hair and began to speak again. His voice was gentle and strong, providing sustenance to the hungry souls before him. “Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted. Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth. Blessed—” “Yo!” “—are they which do hunger and—” “Yo!” “—thirst after righteousness: for they shall—” “Yo!” “—be—what is it, Potzie?”

“Yo! J! Like, what if you mourn, but you’re also, like, meek?”

“Er… double blessings.” Jesus coughed. “Blessed are they which do hunger for righteousness: for they shall be filled. Yes? Rachman, you have something to say?”

Rachman grinned. “The crowd’s looking a little restless, J. I think you need to entertain them.”

“I think my sermon is quite enough.”

Potzie clapped his hands together. “I know! Remember when you used to belch ‘Girl from Ipanema?’”

Jesus shook His head. “Potzie, nobody wants to hear that.”

But lo, the assembled multitudes called forth for entertainment. Again, Jesus shook His head. And lo, the multitudes did call forth again.

Jesus sighed. “All right. Potzie. Hand me that wineskin.” And the multitudes did watch in amazement at the miraculous noises coming from the Savior’s lips.

And there was much rejoicing.

Copyright 2006 Amy Frushour Kelly. All rights reserved.

Reproduction by any means prohibited without prior written consent.