“Of course, lemonade was invented by the motherfuckin’ Mongolios in twelve-something VD,” Snake attested.
Freaky John coughed and passed the joint back to Snake. “Bullshit. Nobody invented lemonade.”
“Don’t be doubting the Snapple Facts, dude.” Snake took a quick hit and passed the bud back. “Fuck, it had to be invented by somebody, why not the goddamn Mongolios?”
“Who the fuck are the Mongolios?”
Snake stroked his goatee wisely. “Fuck, dude, you serious? The Mongolios, man, fuckin’ Attila and…and I think Coolio or some shit like that.”
Freak rolled his head around and belched. “No fucking way.”
“Way.”
“Dude, no. Coolio doesn’t ride around Asia on a horse in some dipshitty hat murdering people with Attila the Hun.”
Snake tossed his hair back impatiently. “Coolio doesn’t have to murder people, fuckbrain, he’s in charge of the motherfuckin’ lemonade!”
Freak shook his head and fumbled for the joint. “What, is that an option in the Hun Army? Kill people or make lemonade?”
“Oh, now you got something against lemonade?”
Freak coughed violently. “No, I got something against Coolio being a fuckin’ Nun.”
“Hun.”
“Hun. Yeah.”
Snake laughed. “Shit, you’re stupid sometimes.”
“Word. Look, Coolio wasn’t back in fuckin’ Mongolian times, he’s like a twentieth-century dude.”
Realization crept across Snake’s visage. “Holy—fuck, dude, you’re right. Music.”
Freak nodded. “Hell, yeah.”
“Metallica even wrote a song about him.”
“Now you got—what?”
“Shit, dude, he’s the big fuckin’ evil sea monster.”
Freak stared.
Snake thumped Freaky John’s shoulder. “C’thoolio! Am I right?”
Freak’s eyes were watering. “Unbelievable.”
“I know, I’m like a fuckin’ genius or something. Dude! Let’s make toast!”
Copyright 2006 Amy Frushour Kelly. All rights reserved.
Reproduction by any means prohibited without prior written consent.
June 9th, 2006 at 10:42 am
i only read about i little bit but it was all i neede to know you are really an studpid idoit…good luck at sucking so bad
June 9th, 2006 at 11:40 am
Fuck big mama. I though it was funny! Keep it up and don’t let the man hold ya down!
July 14th, 2006 at 2:11 pm
I thought it was funny as hell.
July 14th, 2006 at 3:22 pm
Fuckin A!!!! Damn Mongolio’s!!!!! LOL!!!
July 14th, 2006 at 3:55 pm
Loved it. Laughed all the way through until read “Freak coughed violently.” for some reason.
Just take that sentence out!
GREAT!
July 14th, 2006 at 4:22 pm
the was fucking great
July 14th, 2006 at 6:14 pm
let me hit that shit yall smokin on!
thats some real shit.
July 14th, 2006 at 9:16 pm
I enjoyed your writing…I have no idea why your story popped up on my computer but I really liked it and was very happy to see it was written by a girl! Don’t let people tell you how to write and don’t feel bad if someone tells you that you suck cause they can fuck off! You rock!
July 14th, 2006 at 9:23 pm
Oh yeah, and I’d like to tell “Big Momma” who replied first, that she misspelled every other word of her “review” which barely made sense. Before judging someone’s writing maybe you should learn to write and spell a little better, you “studpid idoit!” People didn’t “neede” to know what an illiterate asshole you are!