“Hello, is this the party to whom I am speaking?   I have Mr. Cosgrove, of the law firm Cosgrove, Gossage and Vardebedian on the line for you.  Please hold.”

 “Cosgrove here.  About this case of yours.  Can’t do it, I’m afraid.  Terribly sorry, but the workload…  I’ve passed your case along to young Gossage—well, not so young, forty if he’s a day—excellent counselor, your case is as good as won with Gossage at your side.  In fact, I have him on the line now.  Just a moment, we’ll make the transfer…”

 “Good morning, Cosgrove, Gossage and Vardebedian, is this the party to whom I am speaking?  Oh, excuse me, sir, you must have been transferred to the receptionist’s desk by accident.  You’re wanting young Mr. Gossage.  Please hold.”

 (Cough cough)  “Gossage speaking.  Ah, yes, I’ve just been looking over the details of your case, and I’m afraid I’m overbooked.  However, I have managed to get Vardebedian Three—excuse me,  I meant to say, Mr. Vardebedian the third, a founding partner’s grandson—to take the case.  He’s sharp as a tack.  Hold on, I’ll put you through to him now.”

 “Cosgrove, Gossage and Vardebedian, is this the party to whom I am speaking?  Oh, dear, I do apologize.  I’ll transfer you now…”

 “Beady here.  No, that’s me.  T. Horatio Vardebedian the Third, Beady for short.  You don’t want to know what the T stands for, trust me.  Now, let me look at your file…  Cripes!    What the…  Er…  You know, we have a member of the firm who specializes in cases like this.  He’s still a little green, not yet a partner, but I think…  I think he’s the man for the job.  Name’s Porridge.  Let me look up his extension…”

(Telephone rings four times, is picked up.)   “Huh-hello?  Hello?  I…  Um.  (Cough)  I don’t think this phone’s working.”

 “Cosgrove, Gossage and Vardebedian, is this the party to whom I am speaking?  You again?  No, Mr. Porridge’s telephone is in working order.  Just a moment, I’ll connect you.”

 (High squeaky voice)  “Mr. Porridge’s line.  No, Mr. Porridge isn’t here.  Uhhh… he’s sick.  No, wait, he’s on vacation. A, uh, business vacation.  Where did he go?  Uh…  Disneyland?  Hello, hello?  I can’t hear yoooooou…” CLICK!

 “Cosgrove, Gossage and Vardebedian, is this the party to whom I am speaking?  No, I assure you there is absolutely nothing wrong with Mr. Porridge’s telephone.  I’ll put you back with him now.  I think I can get him for you.”

 “Hey, Sandy, thank God you called!  They just gave me this case, and you wouldn’t believe what this nut job…  Oh.  I beg your pardon.  Oh, Christ.  (Sigh.)  About this case of yours…”

Copyright 2004-2006 Amy Frushour Kelly. All rights reserved. Reproduction by any means prohibited without prior written consent.