To get into the Halloween spirit, I’ll be posting Halloween SPASMS all week. Here’s the first. Enjoy! 
xo, Amy

Maurice answered the door, only to find two zombies standing there.

“Oh, what a relief,” he replied, “I thought you might be Jehovah’s Witnesses.”

“Braaaains,” replied the male zombie. “May we come in?”

“Where are my manners? Certainly, please do come in.” Maurice stepped aside and closed the door behind them. “Can I get you anything? Cup of tea, perhaps?”

“Braaaains,” answered the male. “Tea would be lovely, thanks.”

“Braaaains!” added the female zombie.

Maurice smiled apologetically. “I’m afraid I don’t keep any brains in the house. Would you like something else?”

“A glass of water, then. I’m on Atkins,” she explained.

“One tea, one water. Have a seat, I’ll be back in a jiffy.”

Maurice’s wife Edith was sitting at the kitchen table, doing a crossword. “Who is it, dear?”

“Nobody. Couple of zombies. Kettle clean, darling? One of them wants tea.”

Edith set down her pencil. “Tea? But we have a can of brains in the pantry.”

“I don’t want to waste perfectly good brains on people we don’t know.”

His wife shrugged. “Suit yourself. What’s an eleven-letter word meaning werewolf?”

Maurice set the water on to boil. “Hmm. Oh—lycanthrope!”

“Brilliant. Thanks, love.”

He returned to the sitting room with a cup of tea and a glass of ice water. Another zombie was walking down the street past the front window. “A friend of yours?”

The female scoffed. “Braaaains. As if!”

The male zombie shook his head. “That’s Simon. Bloody poseur.”

“One in every crowd, I suppose,” Maurice sympathized.

“But that’s not why we came here today,” said the male.

The female nodded. “Braaaains. Now, of course, being from the neighborhood, we realize you just recently lost your aunt Marie.”

“Quite often, the loss of a loved one turns a soul to pondering the afterlife. Consideration of an afterlife can bring hope to the surviving family. Braaaains.”

The female offered a slim black volume from her bag. “We’ve brought you a complimentary copy of the Book of Zombie. We believe it may bring you great comfort. Braaaains.”

Maurice smiled politely. “Of course my wife and I are pleased to accept your gift, but I must inform you that we have already reached an understanding of the afterlife.”

The male appeared curious. “So you’re familiar with zombieism?”

“Slightly, yes, but actually, we are vampires. For quite a long time, really.”

The female was the first to speak. “Praise Braaaains. There are many paths to enlightenment. I’m glad you’ve found the one that’s right for you.”

“Braaaains. Of course, if you change your mind, our phone number is written on the book’s flyleaf. Do take a look—perhaps you’ll find something of interest.”

When the zombies left, Maurice returned to the kitchen. “Gone, Edith.”

His wife finished her crossword and looked up. “What did they say? Let me guess—braaaains!”

Aunt Marie cackled from her coffin in the corner.

Copyright 2007 Amy Frushour Kelly. All rights reserved.

Reproduction by any means prohibited without prior written consent.