Long, exhausting weekend, although not necessarily in a bad way. I think my SPASMS suffered for it. Okay, they definitely did: I write every day, but the result isn’t always good. Especially when life thwarts me.
Unlike the majority of LJ bloggers, I’m a parent. I’m in my mid-thirties, I have a job (two if you count my freelance gig), a long-term relationship, a house that requires cleaning and maintenance, social obligations and even non-SPASM writing projects. Writing is my escape from everything. It’s like a meditation in that I’m much happier and more content with my life when I’m being creative. Even when the result isn’t very good. The very act of writing is satisfying and expurgatory. It disconnects me from the world for an hour or so a day and permits me to do whatever I want, no matter how crazy. Some people smoke or drink. I write.
And this is something I tend to revisit every couple months or so, basically because I like to evangelize about things that turn me on: don’t be afraid to be creative. I just went back and looked at “Inchworm,” the SPASM I dashed off last night, and I’m thinking, “what the fuck is that?” It’s not very good. It’s not bad, it’s not good, not really anything but a joke, because I was tired. Am I embarrassed? Am I going to take it down or apologize for it or get upset over it? Hell, no.
Creativity carries with it a risk. As far as I’m concerned, nothing is art until it has an audience. That audience can be your mom or your co-workers or your best friend or a bunch of people on LJ. Whatever. And there is always the risk that people aren’t going to like what you’ve done. Even you might go back to it and say, “Wow, that story/song/painting/[other art] sucks! What was I thinking?” I write a lot of good stories, but there’ve been some real clunkers, too. It happens.
The trick isn’t just to express yourself, but also to get comfortable with exposing yourself to that risk. Learn to accept criticism. (And to ignore nastiness.) Some audiences are tougher than others. Your mother’s bound to be way less critical than a literary agent, but showing your mom or someone else supportive is a good start. Work your way up to people with high standards. Art takes a lot of hard work. It rarely comes out the way you’d have hoped; at least, not when you’re starting out, and often not when you’ve been doing it a long while.
SPASMS isn’t about the stories. Well, okay, mostly it is, but there’s another purpose behind it: to inspire others to try writing, too. Or whatever your chosen art(s) may be. Don’t be afraid. Don’t fear mistakes or criticism or nobody reading it. There’s an audience for everything. Don’t fear mediocrity, either. (Although I wouldn’t recommend aiming for it.)
Take the risk. If the story/song/whatever doesn’t turn out well, write another. Don’t kick yourself over it. There will be days you create something that’s lame, like “Inchworm.” (It’s cute, but still.) Whatever day that is, it will be yesterday soon enough and you can’t live in yesterday. I sure don’t.
The best advice I ever got from anybody, ever, was one word: “Persist.” It’s also the best advice I’ve ever given.
xo, Amy