Snake and Freaky John are back!
“We can’t smoke tomorrow afternoon,” Freaky John commented.
Snake cocked an eyebrow. “We gonna finish this whole ounce tonight?”
“No, man, I gotta watch my nephew.”
“He doesn’t smoke?”
“He’s in second grade,” Freak explained.
Snake grinned. “Maybe we should give him a head start on the other kids.”
Freaky John swatted the air in front of him. “We gotta think of a fuckin’ activity for him. My sister-in-law says we have to do something, can’t just watch TV and shit.”
“Fuck.” Snake stroked his goatee. “I gotta be honest, I don’t know shit about kids.”
Freaky John took a deep hit and rolled his eyes back in his head. “I’m fuckin’ awesome with kids,” he coughed. “I’m like his favorite uncle.”
“So then what do you do with him when he’s over?”
He passed the joint to Snake. “Watch TV.”
They lapsed into silence for a moment. Snake nodded. “I could bring my knives and teach him –”
Freak shook his head. “Shana’d shit a brick. She’s so strict, man, it’s unbelievable. Fuckin’ orthodox or something.”
“Everybody should know how to use a knife.”
“No.”
“Nunchucks.”
“Think of something else.”
“I want to get another tattoo. Is your nephew into tattoos?”
Freak brightened. “Yeah, man! He’s always got those little fake shit things on him, Spongepants and crap. Good idea, dude. We’ll get tattoos.”
Snake shook his head. “I don’t know, you might have to be eighteen to go into a tattoo shop. Is he eighteen yet?”
“I don’t think so. Second grade and shit.”
Snake banged his fist on the end table. “Dude! We’ll take him to church!”
Freaky John stared. “What. The. Fuck.”
“I’m serious, dude. A church has art and shit all over, and history and shit. Am I right?”
“Yyyyyyeah….” Freak was dubious.
“So your sister-in-law can’t be mad about that. Fuckin’ educational, right?”
Freaky John conceded this point.
“There’s this really hot nun at St. Agnes! I work my magic on the nun, you take the kid around on a tour of the church. Case closed.”
“Snake, man, I gotta hand it to you. You’re unbelievable.”
Snake smiled. “I have my moments. So. What’s the little nipper’s name?”
“Shmuel.”
“His mom gave him a hippie name, huh? Well, she’ll be happy once we get him into church. Hey! Maybe we’ll get him baptized, too!”
Copyright 2004 Amy Frushour Kelly. All rights reserved. Reproduction by any means prohibited without prior written consent.