“Dude, you’re out of fuckin’ toilet paper,” Snake declared.
Freaky John finished his hit and passed the joint. “And?”
“And I have needs that must be addressed.” Snake took a nice deep hit and coughed. “White Castle’s revenge.”
“Shit happens,” Freak agreed, taking the bud back. “We still got any napkins? Use those.”
Snake ran his fingers through his hair majestically. “I ain’t using no motherfucking napkins on my ass.”
“Why the fuck not?”
“I used them when I spilled my Coke.”
Freaky John rolled his eyes and blew a smoke ring. “Paper towels.”
“Uh-uh. Dude, there’s a slight problem with the paper towels.”
Freak eyed him suspiciously. “And?”
“I set them on fire while you were in the john.”
“Unbelievable.”
“Yeah, you got anything else to wipe my ass with?”
Freaky John tapped the wastebasket with his foot. “Fuckin’ corn cobs from last night.”
“What. The. Fuck.”
“Pioneers used them fuckers. Why not you?”
Snake stroked his goatee thoughtfully. “Seriously?”
“That’s the hype.”
Snake grabbed a couple cobs by the little wooden sticks and brandished them in the air. “It’s fuckin’ Manifest Destiny!”
“Fuckin’ unbelievable.”
“You got anything to read?”
“No. Fuck, just go take your motherfuckin’ shit and don’t stink up the place!”
Snake bowed. “I’ll be bock.”
“Get the fuck away from me.”
Freak finished the joint in peace.
The toilet flushed.
Freak rolled another nice fatty.
The toilet flushed.
Freak lit the fatty and blew some smoke rings. They dissolved in the air above him, diffusing into the haze of his living room.
The toilet flushed.
Snake flopped down on the couch next to him and took the bud. “Those motherfuckers work, man. I’m clean as a fuckin’ whistle!”
“Unreal.”
“You got any more of those? Cause I’m gonna take them home.”
“Fuckin’ unbelievable.”
“Those pioneers, man, they knew their motherfuckin’ shit.”
“Yeah.”
“Yeah,” Snake agreed.
Freak took the bud back and took a long one, savoring it. He gave it up when his eyes started watering. “Plunger’s in the closet, man.”
“Thanks, dude. Be right back.”
Copyright 2005 Amy Frushour Kelly. All rights reserved. Reproduction prohibited by any means without prior written consent.