“Of course, the average woman eats six pounds of lipstick during her life,” Snake noted. “Women probably put on lipstick like a googol times before they die.”
Freaky John exhaled slowly and passed the joint. “How many times?”
“A googol. That’s a one, followed by a hundred zeroes.”
“No, man. They only give names to numbers with zeroes in multiples of three, like a thousand, million, kajillion, et cetera. A googol’s got to have ninety-nine zeroes.”
“Need I remind you what happened the last time you doubted a Snapple Fact? This is the real shit.”
“I can’t fuckin’ believe this. What is it with you and that tea?”
Snake tossed his hair back. “Don’t go blaming it on the tea! Ever since you started that fucking law school, your shit doesn’t stink and you know everything. A googol is a one with a hundred motherfucking zeroes behind it, okay?”
“But these have got to be the stupidest facts on the planet, Snake,” Freak protested. “It don’t even make sense. Every other number with a name has zeroes in groups of three, it’s a law of nature.”
“You got law school on the fucking brain. It’s a fucking fact. Googol exists.”
Freak took another hit. “So where’s the bottlecap?”
“I threw it away.”
“Unbelievable. You’re full of shit.”
“I didn’t expect to be interrogated, dickhead. Gimme that.”
Freak passed the joint. “Fuckwad.”
Snake coughed up smoke. “Wait. I got another Snapple here. Maybe it’ll be the same fact.”
Freaky John pulled off the plastic seal and looked at the bottlecap. “Real Fact #63: Ozzy Rules.”
“Get the fuck out of here. Really?”
“Nah. ‘The average human produces 10,000 gallons of saliva in a lifetime.’”
“Fuck. That’s a lot of saliva.”
Freaky John swallowed. “Yeah. Unbelievable.”
“That’s, like, more than your mouth can hold.”
“It’s not all at once. It’s a whole lifetime.”
Snake shook his head. “How the fuck do they know that?”
“I don’t know, man.”
“How would they even measure it?”
Freak cleared his throat. “I think the real lesson here is, Ozzy rules.”
Snake waggled his tongue. “Fuckin’ ay, man. Fuckin’ ay.”
Copyright 2004 Amy Frushour Kelly. All rights reserved. Reproduction by any means prohibited without prior written consent.