100 Facts About Amy Frushour Kelly

1. Birth name: Amy Rachel Frushour
2. Born: February 22, 1971
3. In Toledo, Ohio.
4. At age three, I decided I wanted to grow up to be an apple tree.
5. At age four, I changed my mind and decided to become a writer.
6. Sometimes I wonder if I made the right decision.
7. Married cartoonist Tim Kelly in 1995.
8. Split in 2001.
9. I have a daughter.
10. I’m now living quite happily — gleefully, even! — in sin with my partner, Rob. Between his daughter and mine, we have a nice (if somewhat wacky) family.
11. My self-published mini-comic, “Breasts,” sold over a thousand copies and won me about five minutes of fame and notoriety in 1993-1994.
12. As a child, I set my house on fire. Twice.
13. Not on purpose.
14. On an interview for The Island Ear, I once had to ask Moby what his most embarrassing moment in bed was.
15. Funky socks will always find a home on my feet.
16. I met John Atanasoff (who with Clifford Berry invented Big Red, one of the world’s very first computers) once after attending one of his lectures. He was a really nice guy.
17. The Who was the first band I ever discovered on my own, without any familial influence. Twenty years later, they remain in heavy rotation on my stereo.
18. I think it’s really important to write as much as possible. Even if you can only manage a few words once a day, you get into a groove and things flow more easily.
19. Pigs are great animals. I collect small pig figurines.
20. In case you ever meet me in person, you should know that I am shy. After a while, I relax, but that takes time, so bear with me and understand that if I’m being very quiet, it’s because if I open my mouth, I’ll likely put my foot in it.
21. I have a signed copy of Carl Sagan’s Cosmos. Signed by Suzanne Vega, that is.
22. Did you ever hear of Jandek? If you have, and you like him, you might want to check out the documentary “Jandek on Corwood,” which is available on DVD. There’s a bunch of really amazing people interviewed in it, and I was lucky enough to be included.
23. I’ve been to Stonehenge. My first impression was that it was really small. Until I realized how far away from it I was standing.
24. I’ve also visited the Eiffel Tower. It was pretty cool, and I was excited to go up there, but to be honest, I felt more like I was getting the true experience when my brother and I climbed the stairs to the very top of the hotel where we were staying and looked out an attic window to see the Tower emerging from the trees and the rooftops. Vive la France!
25. I was in the music video for the song “Her Favorite Bra,” by The Dan Emery Mystery Band.
26. When I was a kid, I noticed my cat, Rocky, always came running when I called him from wherever he was lurking in the neighborhood. I wondered if he was responding to his name, to the tones or the vowel sounds I was calling. So I tried calling “Rocky!” in a monotone. He didn’t always respond. I tried calling “Ah-eeee!” in an approximation of the vowel sounds, and he responded more reliably. But when I tried calling, “Harpo!” in the same tones I used when calling his name, he responded nearly 100% of the time, about the same as when I called his name in those tones.
27. I had another cat, before Rocky, named Anne Marie. She was kidnapped by our neighbors. They returned her shortly after my parents got me Rocky as a replacement. We still don’t know why they took her, or why they returned her. Anyway, Anne Marie liked playing chicken with cars, and lost a game shortly thereafter.
28. I like ABBA.
29. In high school, I took both German and Latin. I remember very little of either.
30. Honestly? Not that anybody asked, but a story doesn’t have to have a protagonist. Characters don’t need names, a plot doesn’t have to follow an established storyline, and limiting yourself to a few words can actually be liberating. (This is only my opinion. And that’s a fact.)
31. I really like pumpkin pie.
32. I have never seen “The Wizard of Oz” in its entirety. I’ve never seen “E.T.” in its entirety, either. I have no plans to remedy the situation.
33. But I have seen “Alice’s Restaurant” in its entirety. I always cry a little when Arlo goes to visit Woody at the end.
34. Black is supposed to be a combination of all colors, pigment-wise, but every time I try it with paint, it ends up brown.
35. My favorite season is autumn, with spring a close second. Both represent change, and I’m a big fan of that. They both have their own sets of smells and sounds and holidays, which I find very exciting. Winter’s just cold and snowy after Christmas and New Year’s, and summer’s hot and humid, with only one holiday to speak of. Where’s the fun in that?
36. I used to love rollercoasters, but as an adult, my stomach finds them less amusing.
37. I can crack an egg with one hand, like chefs do on TV.
38. On my eighteenth birthday, I came down with the Szechuan Flu Virus B. Consequently, I spent the first two weeks of my adulthood vomiting.
39. I’ve had three years of operatic training. I currently practice only in the shower.
40. I like cats and dogs, but I’m allergic to them. I currently have no pets, except a rabbit who lives in my back yard and eats leftovers from my compost heap.
41. My brother and I had a pet rabbit when we were kids. Her name was Jaws.
42. I like to dance.
43. At a seminar on wild animals, a baby tiger was allowed to roam the room. It took a shine to my shoe and had my foot in a death grip for a few minutes. The cub bit right through my leather sneaker but didn’t harm my foot. So I’ve been bitten by a baby tiger. It kind of tickled.
44. I learned to read when I was two years old. Maybe I was younger, I don’t know. I was two when I let my parents know about it.
45. Making things has always been a big pleasure for me. Even if it’s assembling a toy for my daughter or some office furniture. I like to build.
46. One of my great joys is cooking. Also baking. And also feeding people.
47. Rain is great. So is fog. I think I like that kind of weather for the same reason I like fall and spring: Drama! Change! Excitement!
48. I’m allergic to coconut. My throat gets itchy and swells.
49. I don’t think there’s ever been one thing I’ve written that I don’t look at later and think, “I should have changed this around, or left this word out,” that sort of thing. And I’m not sure if it’s that I’m hypercritical, or that I’m so into the process of writing I hate to think it’s over.
50. My mom took my brother and me to see “Star Wars” when it first came out as a family outing to keep our minds off our grandfather (her father) being in the hospital having his leg amputated. Every time I see it, I think about that. It doesn’t mitigate my pleasure in watching the movie. In fact, at the time, I remember thinking my grandfather getting a fake leg was really cool.
51. If I was a celebrity, I’d be a permanent figure on the “Fashion Failures” list. Do you get a tiara for that?
52. I was always picked last for sports teams and first for spelling bees.
53. I was in Hands Across America.
54. A palm reader once told me I had lived a thousand lives, and died a thousand deaths. I still don’t know what to make of that.
55. The opinions expressed in SPASMS are not always the opinions of Amy.
56. Science is as close to a religion as I’ve got. I’ve been baptized in a couple different things in my younger days, and I have warm feelings for Christianity and Zen Buddhism. I was married by a Brother in the Church of Secular Humanism. To me, religion is like a crutch. If it helps you walk straight and you don’t hit anybody over the head with it, it’s a good thing.
57. I drink a lot of water.
58. A major turning point in my life was seeing “Cosmos” on PBS when it first ran. It changed everything I knew. I’m a better person for it.
59. Another major turning point was “The Muppet Show.” It turned me onto offbeat humor before I understood Monty Python.
60. A third turning point: MTV. That was when I first noticed there was music other than what my family listened to. It literally changed my life.
61. I read John Kennedy Toole’s A Confederacy of Dunces when I was twelve. I’ve read it once every year since then. The same goes for The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. To a degree, they’re what I aspire to as a writer.
62. I’ve got a long way to go.
63. Discovered Donald E. Westlake and Lawrence Block soon after Toole and Twain. Westlake’s novels are a textbook example of the power of a second-person narrative, and Block’s a master of brevity. Both are extremely prolific. You can see where I’m going with this.
64. Legos rock.
65. We didn’t always have much money when I was growing up. When I was nine and my bike was stolen, it was quite a while before we could afford another one. A major blow.
66. Made even worse because I forgot to lock it up.
67. I can (and do!) play the bongos.
68. My doctor assures me I’m exactly 5’4”. My father’s measured me, and I’ve measured myself, and we both come up with just under 5’5”. My friend who claims to be 5’6” is exactly the same height as me. I don’t know what the fuck is going on.
69. So I wear heels practically all the time. I’ve always wanted to be tall, and I like the view from up there.
70. I’m a skeptic, but I’m not gleeful or malicious about it.
71. Willful ignorance annoys me. Deeply.
72. Ditto for people who say things behind another person’s back that they wouldn’t say to that person’s face.
73. Autism has made a major impact on my life.
74. I really like fire. Give me a lighter, and I’m happy for hours.
75. My brother is a very good juggler. (This isn’t a fact about Amy, but it’s so cool that I had to share it.)
76. My father’s father was an engineer on the Pennsylvania Railroad.
77. I don’t know if my father’s mother ever had a job. But she named my father and both his brothers after family pets, which is pretty original.
78. My mother’s father (the one with the fake leg) wrote a book called Sing Along In Latin, in which he translated popular songs into Latin with sheet music.
79. My mother’s mother started out as a teacher and rose to be an administrator for Lucas County Board of Mental Health and Retardation.
80. I can remember my phone number from when I was six years old, but I can’t remember what I did with the object I set down thirty seconds ago.
81. I’ve seen a person die.
82. If I had to choose one planet in the entire solar system to visit, I would most likely visit Saturn. Especially if I could explore Titan and Iapetus.
83. I go through phases where I’m very meticulous about filing and painting my fingernails and toenails, and then I go months without doing anything to them.
84. Worn glasses since I was six years old. I’m very near-sighted.
85. Skipped first grade.
86. I’m having a very hard time thinking of 100 things that could say anything meaningful or useful about me. What this means, I have no idea.
87. I once made a three-foot model of a mitochondrion for a science fair. I didn’t win anything, possibly because I accidentally spilled root beer all over it just before the judges came by.
88. In the past, I’ve had a pierced nose and a tattoo on my butt. Both the hole and the ink are long since eradicated.
89. I always have to stop for a second and do the math when someone asks me how old I am.
90. I’ve met Lou Reed on several occasions. Every time, he calls me “Sarah.” I haven’t corrected him yet.
91. Sharks are a passion of mine. Much like fire, I probably shouldn’t be allowed to play with them.
92. Dishwashing and mopping are my two least-favorite things to do around the house.
93. Did you know that Galileo lived to be 78 years old? In the mid-17th Century, that was pretty impressive. (This has absolutely nothing to do with Amy, excepting that Amy thinks Galileo was way cool. And that’s a fact.)
94. My brother and I once wrote a song parody of Paul Simon’s “Kodachrome,” called “Chromosomes.” It’s not very funny unless you’re interested in stem cell research and genetics. We didn’t ask Paul Simon’s permission.
95. Speaking of which, thanks to my wonderful friend Nicole, I got to see Simon and Garfunkel in concert at Madison Square Garden in December of 2003. It was an incredible experience.
96. I don’t have a lot of friends, but those I have, I care about very much.
97. Being a mom is a lot of fun.
98. Having been in a life-or-death health situation hasn’t mitigated my fear of death one iota.
99. I can’t pick a favorite anything. Color, food, movie, song. My favorites change from day to day. I could list a favorite three or five, but…
100. I hate making lists.